I need you so much closer
by lionheartedbookworm
Summary: "Be brave, Belle. It's what your best at doing." Mad Beauty


He watches her sleep. Her breathing is even, slow and steady. Her lashes flutter as she dreams. Even from his position in the doorway, he can see her most simplest of movements. The way her toes crinkle slightly in the blankets, how her lips part in dream.

She's so beautiful. She's always been so beautiful. _His beautiful Belle._

But she wasn't his Belle anymore. Not from what everyone was gabbing on about like they were going insane.

That was his job.

He didn't know how it happened, and truly, he didn't care to know. When Belle had left that morning she spoke of how she wanted to help Rumple find his son. She'd always have a soft spot for the old geezer. And he'd always be in love with her.

But the bookworm loved a madman, and willingly.

Jefferson hadn't ever planned on loving her. He never planned on stealing her heart away from the old man. It just happened that way. In fact, the thought of loving anyone scared him. But Jefferson loved her. Madly. Deeply.

In the night when his dark thoughts would seep into his mind, she would give him that warm smile of hers and hold him close, whispering gently into his ear so he would calm. He didn't want to scare Grace. She would calm him down, make the voices and the memories stop.

But now his Belle was gone. The one who made waffles for him and Grace on special mornings, the one who read them stories and who loved Jefferson despite his madness. The girl who stood up for herself and wanted adventures with him. The girl who lost herself in a world of books only to come flying back into his arms. The girl who made him laugh, the girl who saw the good in him.

His bookworm.

Gone in an instant.

He swallowed hard, blue eyes filling with stubborn tears. He needs to be closer. So much closer to her than lurking in the doorway like this. He needs to feel her soft hand in his, needs to feel her arms encircle him. He needs to hear her laugh and watch her lips curve into that beautiful smile. He needs to be close to her, to feel her and see her so much clearer than he does now.

She flinches in her sleep, and she gasps. Her eyebrows furrow together, and the softest of whimpers escapes her. A nightmare.

"Belle...hey...easy..." He murmurs without thinking, approaching her bed and gently taking her hand.

He feels helpless when her eyes fly open and look at him blankly. "W-who are you? What are you doing here?" She asks quickly.

"I..." He begins, his words dying instantly on his tongue. "I'm here to help." He says gently.

_What help can you offer her, hatter? Do you really think she'll love you again?_

**No.** Not now. He winces, and slowly releases her hand.

"W-who are you?" She whispers again, her blue gaze full of fear.

_I'm the Mad Hatter, darling. A man driven to the brink of insanity. I push people away. I've pushed you away before. I hurt you. I hurt my daughter. I hurt those around me. I'm a bad man, darling Belle. A bad bad man._

"Jefferson. We were...ah..." He doesn't want to scare her. "Friends." He croaks out, a cold sweat collecting at the base of his neck. "You don't remember anything...huh?"

Small hands rake through a mess of mahogany hair. "No, no...no I don't." She whispers, her voice broken and shaking. "I don't know that I want to."

_Of course. Why would she want to remember you? Do you think you actually made her happy?_

"I'll help you make new memories." He says quietly, using every ounce of strength he has left to ignore the whispers. "Be brave, Belle. It's what you're best at doing."

"I'm not a brave person, even if this 'Belle' person was." She whispers.

He can't help but brush his finger beneath her eye to brush a fallen tear away. Her cheeks color slightly and he's surprised she doesn't flinch away. "Do the brave thing, and bravery will follow." His voice is soft, and he isn't even sure he's talking to her or himself anymore. "I promise."

She is silent, but for a brief moment, the haze in her blue depths disappears. Her expression isn't fearful, despite the tears hovering in her eyes. He has every urge to kiss her, to cup her face in his hands and make her wake up, make her be the woman he was in love with. But he wasn't ever part of fairytales, was he? True love's kiss didn't work with men like him. Maybe for princesses like her, but for a madman like him, he wasn't so sure.

"Everything will be okay."

And even as he says this, he doubts it immediately.


End file.
